Wednesday, April 13, 2011

operation: invitations

Lately the thing that people always tend to ask me is, "how's wedding planning going? Do you have a lot done"? Truthfully, I'm not sure how to answer that question. We have most of the big things done, I guess, but WEDDING! still seems so big, so immense. The things that are left kind of scare me, in part I think because I feel like there are a thousand things I'm forgetting. I really don't know how we're going to do all the food and make it work, but I'm trying not to worry about that and leave that (for now) to Bear and his mom. Right now, the most pressing thing I need to get to is designing our wedding invitations (and then printing and assembling them). I might be a glutton for punishment. Anyway, the (pretty!) envelopes and the flat cards that I ordered arrived last week and have been sitting on my dining room table waiting to be turned into something worthy of going out into the world. Our save the dates took so. much. work. It was extremely tedious at times, but in the end it was worth it and I'm incedibly proud of them. I hope that I am at least equally proud of my... er, our invitations. I suppose I should share some photos of our save the dates as a reference point, but for the time being I'll just say that I used navy envelopes and addressed them in silver pen. We also embossed a flower stamp over the flap. They turned out really nicely and we got quite a few compliments on them.

For our invitations, I ordered dark blue shimmery envelopes which will also be addressed in silver. However, because apparently it's NOT OKAY to include a return address, at least not on the front of the envelope, I ordered an address stamp from etsy. We'll emboss this in silver over the envelope flap. Of course, I'll only be able to use this stamp for two more months until we get the hell out of dodge, which makes me sad, but in this case I decided it was best to just bite the bullet. I found a stamp that would fit the narrow-ish straight flap on our envelopes, with a design that I loved and will go with our overall paper scheme. It will also save me a lot of time (since I won't have to hand-write our return address on all of our envelopes) and energy (since I won't have to worry about offending Emily Post's ghost). So, it will be worth it. I'll order another one with our new address once we have said new address and I've changed my name, post-wedding. That was one other thing I liked about this stamp; it only has our first names on it. I figure that since we sent save the dates to all our guests, they ought to know who "Sara & Charles" are, and if not, they'll know once they look at the actual invitation. I should hopefully receive the stamp right around Easter, and I was hoping to get the invites out at the end of April/beginning of May, so that works out well.

If only I didn't have a more-than-full-time job and could do arts and crafts all day...

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Decisions, decisions

Somehow a month has passed since I last wrote. Intellectually, I know how it did, but it still seems impossible. The trip to Michigan was exhausting. Traveling like that just kills me.. something like 30 hours in the car is not really relaxing. Plus, I had my bridal shower. There are a lot of things I have to say about it, a lot of emotions that I've been trying to find the time and the energy to put into words since then, and I think that I might be able to talk about some aspects of the shower a little more calmly and with more objectivity than before. Of course, that makes it sound like something terrible went down, and that's not the case at all. Overall, it was a lovely shower, I had a good time, and I appreciate everyone who made an effort to come or send a card. There were just some... things.. that overshadowed some of that. I know I'm being vague, but I'll explain soon.

Since we got back to Missouri after my spring break, I've been generally unhappy. Charlie and I had reached the point after a long winter spent cooped up together that we were just getting on each other's nerves constantly, so it's been good for us to have a break from each other while he's been out of state working. Timing, however, is a bitch (among other choice words). OF COURSE some asshole would break my car window and steal my gps (which I swear was put away out of sight??) while I was home by myself. It's not like it would have been shitty enough if Charlie had been home, too. Nope, thanks universe. So yeah, I spent the better part of Sunday dealing with that. I feel sorry for my neighbors for having to deal with my hysterics. They were super nice to me and incredibly helpful, though. Some guy who lives in the next building over helped cover my window socket (I made that up, but I think it's fitting. Or, at least I think I made it up?) and cleaned up pretty much all the glass by himself. I need to make cookies for him and my other neighbor as a thank you.. or maybe soon I'll just be able to help them out when their windows get broken! I figure it's just a matter of time. If we hadn't already been planning on moving, that would have made our decision for us. We'd been intending to move out of KC proper, probably to a suburb on the Kansas side, but...

I'm starting to toy with the idea of not coming back for a second year with TFA. I know that I committed to doing this for two years, but at some point one needs to evaluate the cost vs. the benefit. I think we all know I have a big heart (somewhere.. ha). I love babies and puppies and generally turn into a puddle at the sight of anything remotely cute, I cry pretty much every time I watch TV (and I'm a goner for Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice), I let people drill big needles into my pelvic bones last fall to give my bone marrow to a leukemia patient I've never met, and then flew to Denver for a decidely not-fun follow-up procedure for that patient.. I'm not trying to sing my own praises here. My point is that I'm a big softy and I like to help people. That's why I took this position. But, at some point I need to put my own well-being first. The stress and the depression that I've dealt with this year have taken their toll, physically, mentally, emotionally. I need to figure out what's best for me, and what's best for Bear. Everything I've had to deal with, he's had to deal with as well. It's been rough. What really set the wheels turning for me was that the school district laid off a lot of teachers last week. From my understanding, every non-tenured, non-TFA teacher was given a pink slip. I may not be a bad teacher, per se, but I do know that I don't deserve to keep my job while many of my colleagues lose theirs. That is, of course, not to say that I am a worse teacher than all of them, because that's not true, but I do know that some of the people who were fired are phenomenal teachers. Now, I haven't had anything negative directed at me from any of them, nor would I anticipate it next year when the district brings in a huge influx of new TFA teachers. However, I am unhappy with the climate here, and I'm reasonably certain that even if I stay I don't want to teach after this, so.. decisions, decisions.

Either way, though, we're moving out of the ghetto. June can't come soon enough.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Venue... Check!

Yay! We finally have our wedding reception venue straightened out. Y'all, I searched FOREVER to find a venue that could accommodate our ginormous families and all of our friends and that wouldn't make us pay an arm and a leg and our firstborn for catering. Once we realized what was available and what things were going to cost (first- and secondborn.. is that even a word?), that search morphed into finding somewhere that was both large enough and wouldn't make us use their caterer. Maybe I'll post about all our venue fails and why they wouldn't work for us?

At any rate, Bear's mom went and signed the contract last night, so it is officially ours! Our wedding is going to be in Fenton, MI, and provided that I get my arse in gear and finalize things with the church, the church and the reception hall are basically right around the corner from each other. The reception space is an activity center owned by a Catholic church.. I think its official name is St. John the Evangelist Parish Activity Center. We are definitely not Catholic (much to my father's chagrin), and we're getting married at a Methodist church. Personally I think this is kind of funny. Now, the Methodist church where we're having the ceremony is also quite large and has a space which could accommodate a group of our size. However, those damned (ha, church joke) Protestants are such teetotalers. The church had a lot more rules about how their activity center could be used; for example, no alcohol on the property. Now, Bear and I aren't really the type to get our underpants in a twist over no liquor. He doesn't drink at all and since I became a card-carrying member of Real Life, I drink rarely/socially and regardless, definitely wouldn't be aiming to spend my reception intoxicated. I'd kind of like to remember it. However, we have many friends and family members who would be less than thrilled about a wedding reception sans booze, maybe even a few who would bring in contraband or perhaps spend the night drinking in the parking lot. Classy class. So, long story short, we decided that our particular reception would not be dry because we want everyone to have a good time. Plus, I think dry receptions could potentially get a bit awkward. At any rate, the Methodists were out, save for the whole marriage thing. We'll let 'em do that part.

So, after searching high and low and yonder, I finally found a phone number for the guy I needed to contact at St. John's. I knew about the existence of this place through word of mouth (my lovely photographer's mouth, to be precise), and luckily indeed. They do rent the space out for a quite reasonable figure with limited rules, but they don't advertise it because they don't want to necessarily be overrun with weddings. Makes sense, I suppose. As for the booze, the man told me that he wouldn't come if we didn't have alcohol. So, not only do they allow it, but they suggest it.. for the party's sake, of course. Good old Catholics. I felt very at ease talking to him. I seriously almost cried happy tears when I got off the phone with him since the venue search had been so grueling. Now that we have a contract, I feel so relieved! I am going to go over the details with my future mother-in-law when we get back to MI. Incidentally, that won't be until Saturday evening or sometime on Sunday, since we decided not to leave tonight for the sake of my sanity. Last night Lush bath > packing, so we have all night to pack/prepare and then tomorrow also for as long as we need. Gonna get back to this teaching thing for a bit now.. I never understood for a moment how much more teachers look forward to school holidays/breaks than students do. I am so happy today =)

Thursday, March 10, 2011

A Lush kind of day

Today is one of those days in which my impending wedding is bringing me more stress than joyful anticipation. All the details, all the minutiae that we need to accomplish, seem insurmountable today. I've had a crappy day at school. I really don't want to get into specifics, because frankly they're exhausting, but suffice it to say that I am extremely stressed out. It's not just my job; I need to do laundry, clean up the apartment, come up with a plan for tomorrow's lessons, and pack without forgetting anythiing important, so that we can leave to head back to MI tomorrow. Don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic that spring break is here. That's the thing, though-- it's not here yet. Not quite. That's the hard part. I have what seems like mountains of things to accomplish between now and the actual beginning of spring break, and I only have this evening to do them. I don't deal with stress that well. I need time by myself to chill myself out. That's just about impossible during the school day, so I never have a chance to bring my stress levels down to an acceptable range. What I would really like to do right now is take a long, hot bath using some of my Lush stockpile. I have a feeling I'm going to be spending a small fortune on Lush as we get close to the wedding. I might have to kick everyone out of my fancy room the night before the wedding and spend an hour or three in my gigantic, heart-shaped jacuzzi (*snicker* It really has one. No joke. I booked the honeymoon suite over the regular jacuzzi suite, not because I found the idea romantic, but because I found it amusing.).

Public Service Announcement: If you haven't tried Lush, DO IT. I refused to jump on the bandwagon, but my dear friend Ms. Hoffmeister (not her name, but close enough. Also, we teachers tend to use each other's teacher names.) dragged me in the Lush store at the mall one too many times and we all know I have limited reserves of self-control and I decided I would give it a shot. It's a slippery slope, my friends. I heart Lush. It smells amazing, it's super relaxing, it's all-natural, and it smells pretty. On the downside, it's expensive. I think, however, that my stressful job justifies buying large quantities. That would be my argument if Bear ever found out how much it cost. For now he's in the dark though!

My favorites:


-Melting Marshmallow Moment Bath Melt (for the record, I hate all these silly names. I call this one "the pink one"... also, this one smells exactly like circus peanuts), $7.95









I feel better just having written about Lush. Its effects are further reaching than previously thought. Must document.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

T-4... months, that is

Today is the four-month mark. Damn. Everything seemed easy when this shindig was a year away-- "Oh, we're getting married next summer, we have plenty of time to figure out x, y, z, etc.. totally not worried." Umm, yeah. Maybe I'm not worried, but I'm a leetle bit freaked the hell out. Not because I'm getting married, of course, but because this is a huge event and it's pretty much all DIY.. er, DIO-- Do It Ourselves? Basically, we need to work our tushies off or we're going to have big problems; namely, 300 people who are annoyed they came to our bust of a wedding. I think we have everything under control, but I would feel better about the situation if I didn't have a more-than-full-time job to deal with during the week. Question: Why can't someone pay me to plan my own wedding? Answer: Because NOBODY cares as much as I do. Anyone care to venture a guess as to how many times Bear has said that to me? I don't have an answer for you, other than "a lot". He hasn't said that to me in a while, though, so maybe his training is working. We used to have these little tiffs about wedding planning where the details that mattered to him MATTERED, GODDAMNIT! (my inflection, not his), but the details that mattered to me were silly/petty/lame, etc. I think we've reached a mutual understanding. He finally realized that I was fully and completely aware that the details really don't matter to anyone else except me, but because they are important to me, they matter. That's some circular logic right there, folks, but it's the truth.

Our number one priority for our wedding is that it's going to be FUN. We both hate stuffy, fancy-schmancy events. We basically want a big party with all of our friends and family, and so far, we seem to be realizing that dream. Our ceremony is pretty traditional, nothing out of the ordinary, and that's okay. The thought of getting up in front of 300 people and getting married is terrifying enough as it is, without having to worry about whether the acrobats know their cues or the dancing bears are going to scare the kiddos in attendance. In all seriousness though, traditional is okay for us here. Our reception, on the other hand, is just going to be a combinations of a bunch of fun things we like. We like BBQ, so we're having BBQ. Most of our decisions were made that straightforwardly. Most of our friends are pretty excited about the details once we tell them, and I must say, I'm getting pretty excited.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I'm back. Again.

The bad blogger returns. I really don't want to go back and read my last few entries, which were written something like 84 years ago, but I know the gist of what I'd written said something along the lines of "I'm so sorry for my lengthy hiatus! I'll never ever ever do it again! Promise! Cross my heart and hope to die!" I think I also said that I had no intention of disappearing again. Well, that much is true. I didn't have any intention of disappearing again. However, I think we all know that life gets in the way. When I last blogged, my college graduation was rapidly approaching and I was gushing about that and my recent acceptance into Teach for America. I wanted to continue, and blog about the whole experience. At this point, I am seven months-ish into a nine months-ish school year, and it has been hellish. Because the internet is a permanent, public forum, I don't want to say anything that I might regret later, nor do I want to say anything that could be taken out of context.

Here is what I will tell you: I moved to Kansas City. It's ok. I miss Michigan. I work for the public school district. They are plagued by a multitude of problems. Most school districts (especially urban school districts in which Teach for America places corps members) are plagued by a multitude of problems. KCMSD closed half of their schools between this year and last. My school saw growth from about 500 students as a successful early college program to some 1800 students on our first day in August, as an early college program plus comprehensive high school plus a we-don't-know-where-to-put-you-so-we're-sending-you-here school. Since then, numbers are down and things here have gotten somewhat better. However, we had a catastrophic fire that destroyed one of our teacher workrooms and led to an early dismissal a few weeks back, and our third principal so far this academic year has just announced that he, too, will be quitting. He has been gracious enough to agree to stay until the end of the year, for which I am simultaneously grateful and disgusted.

Teaching is hard. I think the first year is hard anywhere, but it has been more difficult than I ever dreamt possible. The reality of the situation is this: Most of my kids are awesome. Really, honestly, truthfully. Some are not. That's hard. Most of the adults that are teachers, staff members, district staff members, and even parents are awesome and care more than anything about student achievement. Some do not. I think that this is probably the case in every school and school district in the country. Long story short, it's exhausting. In some ways, I understand that this is what I signed up for when I joined TFA, but at the same time I can't help but feel like this is NOT what I signed up for. It's probably some of both. I haven't blogged, haven't talked about what my life is like right now because I'm exhausted. Doing this all day is exhausting. Trying to remember the successes and awesome things that happen is hard when so many shitty things happen. Most of what I feel the need to vent about are the shitty things, but my blog has not been the appropriate forum for that. I don't want the world (or all two of you, who am I kidding?) to read my blog and draw terrible conclusions about Kansas City, the school district, my school, and my kids. That's not fair. There is still much good mixed in with the bad. I just don't feel right now that I can do justice to the good because some of the bad is so sensational, nor do I feel like I can sugarcoat everything and leave out the bad. So, for now, I am going to mostly refrain from talking about teaching.

Teaching is a huge time suck, obviously, so my free time is limited. In my limited free time, I am trying to plan my wedding (What's that? Oh, yep. I'm getting married. Go me.). Wedding planning is my saving grace right now. I love it. Truthfully, I am scheming about getting into the wedding-industry post-TFA. Getting paid to plan and style other people's weddings? Yes, please! We'll see. At any rate, I lurve wedding DIY. We're still a ways off, as we're doin' the damn thing in July and it's just now March, but I'm trying to plod along and not leave everything until June. We (and when I say "we" I mostly mean me but Charlie-Bear* did help whenever I asked, bless his heart) just finished our save the dates last night and sent them out into the world today, and I capital-L-O-V-E the way they turned out. If I don't get at least a few phone calls/texts/facebook messages about how much my recipients capital-L-O-V-E them, I might be pissed. But only a little, since I love them and that's all that matters, right? Right.

Anyway, folks, hope you're ready for a lot of wedding talk, because I like wedding talk, and it's my blog :)

*Charles would probably not be very happy if he knew what I was calling him on the internet.