T-4... months, that is

Today is the four-month mark. Damn. Everything seemed easy when this shindig was a year away-- "Oh, we're getting married next summer, we have plenty of time to figure out x, y, z, etc.. totally not worried." Umm, yeah. Maybe I'm not worried, but I'm a leetle bit freaked the hell out. Not because I'm getting married, of course, but because this is a huge event and it's pretty much all DIY.. er, DIO-- Do It Ourselves? Basically, we need to work our tushies off or we're going to have big problems; namely, 300 people who are annoyed they came to our bust of a wedding. I think we have everything under control, but I would feel better about the situation if I didn't have a more-than-full-time job to deal with during the week. Question: Why can't someone pay me to plan my own wedding? Answer: Because NOBODY cares as much as I do. Anyone care to venture a guess as to how many times Bear has said that to me? I don't have an answer for you, other than "a lot". He hasn't said that to me in a while, though, so maybe his training is working. We used to have these little tiffs about wedding planning where the details that mattered to him MATTERED, GODDAMNIT! (my inflection, not his), but the details that mattered to me were silly/petty/lame, etc. I think we've reached a mutual understanding. He finally realized that I was fully and completely aware that the details really don't matter to anyone else except me, but because they are important to me, they matter. That's some circular logic right there, folks, but it's the truth.

Our number one priority for our wedding is that it's going to be FUN. We both hate stuffy, fancy-schmancy events. We basically want a big party with all of our friends and family, and so far, we seem to be realizing that dream. Our ceremony is pretty traditional, nothing out of the ordinary, and that's okay. The thought of getting up in front of 300 people and getting married is terrifying enough as it is, without having to worry about whether the acrobats know their cues or the dancing bears are going to scare the kiddos in attendance. In all seriousness though, traditional is okay for us here. Our reception, on the other hand, is just going to be a combinations of a bunch of fun things we like. We like BBQ, so we're having BBQ. Most of our decisions were made that straightforwardly. Most of our friends are pretty excited about the details once we tell them, and I must say, I'm getting pretty excited.

I'm back. Again.

The bad blogger returns. I really don't want to go back and read my last few entries, which were written something like 84 years ago, but I know the gist of what I'd written said something along the lines of "I'm so sorry for my lengthy hiatus! I'll never ever ever do it again! Promise! Cross my heart and hope to die!" I think I also said that I had no intention of disappearing again. Well, that much is true. I didn't have any intention of disappearing again. However, I think we all know that life gets in the way. When I last blogged, my college graduation was rapidly approaching and I was gushing about that and my recent acceptance into Teach for America. I wanted to continue, and blog about the whole experience. At this point, I am seven months-ish into a nine months-ish school year, and it has been hellish. Because the internet is a permanent, public forum, I don't want to say anything that I might regret later, nor do I want to say anything that could be taken out of context.

Here is what I will tell you: I moved to Kansas City. It's ok. I miss Michigan. I work for the public school district. They are plagued by a multitude of problems. Most school districts (especially urban school districts in which Teach for America places corps members) are plagued by a multitude of problems. KCMSD closed half of their schools between this year and last. My school saw growth from about 500 students as a successful early college program to some 1800 students on our first day in August, as an early college program plus comprehensive high school plus a we-don't-know-where-to-put-you-so-we're-sending-you-here school. Since then, numbers are down and things here have gotten somewhat better. However, we had a catastrophic fire that destroyed one of our teacher workrooms and led to an early dismissal a few weeks back, and our third principal so far this academic year has just announced that he, too, will be quitting. He has been gracious enough to agree to stay until the end of the year, for which I am simultaneously grateful and disgusted.

Teaching is hard. I think the first year is hard anywhere, but it has been more difficult than I ever dreamt possible. The reality of the situation is this: Most of my kids are awesome. Really, honestly, truthfully. Some are not. That's hard. Most of the adults that are teachers, staff members, district staff members, and even parents are awesome and care more than anything about student achievement. Some do not. I think that this is probably the case in every school and school district in the country. Long story short, it's exhausting. In some ways, I understand that this is what I signed up for when I joined TFA, but at the same time I can't help but feel like this is NOT what I signed up for. It's probably some of both. I haven't blogged, haven't talked about what my life is like right now because I'm exhausted. Doing this all day is exhausting. Trying to remember the successes and awesome things that happen is hard when so many shitty things happen. Most of what I feel the need to vent about are the shitty things, but my blog has not been the appropriate forum for that. I don't want the world (or all two of you, who am I kidding?) to read my blog and draw terrible conclusions about Kansas City, the school district, my school, and my kids. That's not fair. There is still much good mixed in with the bad. I just don't feel right now that I can do justice to the good because some of the bad is so sensational, nor do I feel like I can sugarcoat everything and leave out the bad. So, for now, I am going to mostly refrain from talking about teaching.

Teaching is a huge time suck, obviously, so my free time is limited. In my limited free time, I am trying to plan my wedding (What's that? Oh, yep. I'm getting married. Go me.). Wedding planning is my saving grace right now. I love it. Truthfully, I am scheming about getting into the wedding-industry post-TFA. Getting paid to plan and style other people's weddings? Yes, please! We'll see. At any rate, I lurve wedding DIY. We're still a ways off, as we're doin' the damn thing in July and it's just now March, but I'm trying to plod along and not leave everything until June. We (and when I say "we" I mostly mean me but Charlie-Bear* did help whenever I asked, bless his heart) just finished our save the dates last night and sent them out into the world today, and I capital-L-O-V-E the way they turned out. If I don't get at least a few phone calls/texts/facebook messages about how much my recipients capital-L-O-V-E them, I might be pissed. But only a little, since I love them and that's all that matters, right? Right.

Anyway, folks, hope you're ready for a lot of wedding talk, because I like wedding talk, and it's my blog :)

*Charles would probably not be very happy if he knew what I was calling him on the internet.

so much for an easy end to the semester

I have been buried up to my eyeballs in schoolwork these past few weeks.. still not quite done, but the worst of it is over with. I've just been trying to finish up and pack all my things to move out of my apartment, which has not been very fun. The fam comes up tomorrow and I graduate the next day.. crazy. I picked up my cap and gown today (and my honors cords, which they also made me pay for.. doesn't seem right!) and it sort of sunk in a little more. It makes me kind of sad. maybe nostalgic is a better word. Wellll, that's enough for now. I'm going to get back to packing.

I think I'll have an easier time keeping up with the blog once everything settles down.. or at least I hope so!

a blizzard and lies

Something blew in, alright.. a blizzard. Okay, so not quite a blizzard by UP standards, but even so. We've gotten quite a bit of snow, and it doesn't look like it's going to let up any time soon. Glad I wound up doing my laundry the other day after all.

In other news, I had someone else lie to me about something monumental recently. Trying to come to terms with that on top of attempting to actually graduate has not been easy and as of right this minute doesn't look like it's going to get any easier. I find myself desperately wishing for a thicker skin, for perspective, and for the assurance that these two stupid and clearly very sick girls don't rob me of my ability to trust my friends. Lately I'm bitter and frustrated and completely overwhelmed. Oh, and irritable. Let's not forget irritable. I kind of want to break things.

rain rain go away..

I'm kind of hoping for a storm. It was sunny earlier but something's blowing in, and I really hope it's not just some lame drizzle. I like thunderstorms, as long as A) I don't have to go outside in them and B) there are no tornadoes involved. Either way, I don't think my laundry is going to get done today, given that I am morally opposed to walking to the laundry room in the rain. I suppose I could work on the piles of homework I have, or maybe my TFA hiring paperwork. I had to go get fingerprinted yesterday for that, which was mildly terrifying because I'd never actually been in a police station before. I also had to get a TB test, which wasn't exactly my idea of a good time. All told none of it was really that bad, but I reserve the right to whine about it.. it's my blog and I'll whine if I want to, whine if I want to, whine if I want to..? Sorry. That was kind of painful.

It's kind of disheartening to know that I only have a few weeks left in Marquette. As much as I want to be done and I'm ready to leave, it's going to be hard. I'm going to miss all the girls, and just random little things.. like Rice Paddy. Erin and I had lunch there today and it was absolutely delicious. Aoy makes the best Thai food EVER. I'm still stuffed and a nap sounds fantastic right now, but my neighbor is playing obnoxious music so it doesn't look like that's going to happen. I suppose I should quit rambling and go do something at least semi-productive. Guess I'm off for now.

nuestra casa: la casita

Here are pictures of our little house in Mexico (Guanajuato, summer 2009). We lived with a host family but our part of the house was separate from the rest. We had two stories, with a twin bed downstairs and a double bed upstairs. The bathroom was upstairs as well.

This is our front door, off of the central courtyard.

Here's the view from the door, of Amber's "little" bed (later Jaime's).

our front door

bookcase, with an old picture of our host family

the much-hated spiral staircase

upstairs; the long curtain is covering the door to the big window/balcony.

Note also that we had to walk up more stairs for the bathroom.

my bed! I shared it with Jaime for the first three or four weeks, after which point she and Amber switched places.

Love the Don Quijote bedspread!

the cool brick ceiling, with the strange collection of stuff that was in our room

My side of the bed was closest to the staircase. I almost fell down it on more than one occasion.

view up into the bathroom

our very green bathroom

the window/balcony door.. Volkswagon??

Here's the view from our big window/balcony on one of the many rainy days. I swear it took me the whole time I was in Mexico (to say nothing of Spain) to learn the name of those flowers. (It's bugambilia, by the way.)

rainy day shot #2

just another lame blog post

I haven't really had anything to blog about lately. Mostly I've just been lounging around, knitting, and watching Grey's Anatomy with Erin. It's been years since I watched the seasons, and she'd never seen any of it, so we started from the beginning. So far we've made it through the first two and we're on to the third. I love this show. maybe because I'm dark and twisty?

I'm trying to get this place picked up before my friend Laura comes over for dinner tonight. It's going really well, can you tell? Mostly I've just got to wipe down the kitchen and the bathroom. I should do laundry, too, but that might be a stretch. I really ought to do it while the weather is nice though, since walking to the laundry room in rain/snow is definitely not going to happen. It's gorgeous here-- sunny and 70 =) It's nice to be able to have the windows open again.

I need to buckle down and start working on some papers I have due pretty soon. It's hard to believe that this is it.. I graduate one month from today! speaking of today, anyone else hate April Fools Day as much as I do? cause I tell you what, I really really dislike it. This may or may not have something to do with the fact that I'm really gullible.. aaaand I probably should not have revealed that, but whatever. It's not like anyone reads this right now anyway!

Anyway, I should be off. Maybe I'll actually have something interesting to post soon!